Out with the old...

..in with the new? Hopefully. Well not so much  that I am looking at this new year as a new shot but I guess more so a starting point. I hope to get some news on my latest attempts at modification on my home , fingers crossed but I have 0 faith in my bank.

I also need to start the hunt for new employment, I do not hate my job but I need a little more out of a position. I need more mental stimulation, more financial benefits and a more positive atmosphere. I have a boss who lives in the twilight zone, after talking to him I really just want to run head first into a wall. 

So I think it is time to maybe look into a position elsewhere, hopefully the next job will be my last job. I really would like to find a position where I can get some sort of feeling of accomplishment and where I can work along side people who can become a 2nd family for me, I am at a place in my life where I am maturing and these are the things I really would like to have become a part of my life. I just need to find out what I want to do, I am very indecisive and I look at everything as something I would possibly like to do but I am always hesitant to commit. 

Relationship wise, I don't have any real plans on changing my situation. I see everyone else moving forward in life and looking for that partner and I really admire them for finding someone. I just don't know if that is me either, I think I am so used to being the man and woman in my life that I just don't know how to let anyone else in anymore. I also have a lot to take into consideration because of my kids, I can't being any old jerk around us so then what would I be looking for, either something super casual at which point I have to most likely date some asshole who is shallow and thinks he is getting over on me or I have to find a real family guy who just wants that - a family but do they even exist (in single form). It seems way too much to ask to find a man who has a sense of humor, some level of personality, and has some decent values. I know I will not find him online - guaranteed. I think online dating is fun and all but in reality it is a short cut to no where. It is a place for people to window shop, for people to set up physical expectations and just weed through people like flipping the pages of a magazine. People also tend to get behind a computer and let the ugliest side of themselves come out. I am all for self esteem and knowing your self worth but your self worth is just that .. YOUR Self worth, what you mean to yourself not to everyone else. I am not going to bow down to some guy who thinks he should be pat on the back for being 'honest' and saying he wants-- to just get laid-- or for not having kids. Good for you, you have embraced your ugly. Next. 

I think when you meet people in person, people just have more respect for you in their interactions and intentions. They don't come at you with some nonsense because they 'can'. 

I sometimes (most the time) feel like just staying single for ever. I really don't mind it, of course that is the lazy in me talking but I am not unhappy - just around the holidays or when my kids aren't around I tend to think it would be nice to have someone to talk to or go to a movie with, unfortunately then I talk to a couple of people and that goes away almost instantly. I am faced with drama, and bullshit, or a text message with a picture of their penis not even 5 mins into most conversations with the opposite sex. That is a shame.

So, this new year I really want to focus on working out and with that being said, I am looking at it for health reasons not for weight loss because I do not plan to change my eating habits. I should loose weight, but I am just not motivated enough for that, then I will be even more confused by the male approachers lol I don't need to give anyone a reason to blow more smoke up my ass. I would like to feel better in my back, knees and just in general I would like better flexibility and energy so I am hoping some small work out at nights will help me there. Who knows maybe after working out I will start to gain the motivation to care about my outfits or hair sometimes. Right now, I am too tired. 

So, I am hoping to accomplish a couple things this year, lets see if I do it. Hopefully I will live to see next year and be able to look back and say that I did indeed do all the things I Set out to do this year. 

I plan to start taking my kids to church, narrow down a path career wise, work out to feel better and maybe work on my social life - not dating but maybe getting out more. 

God willing, this year I can make some moves towards a better, more stable future. 

Truth be told every night I go to bed, I pray for a tomorrow and I focus so much on that I tend to forget to look long term.

Here's to 2012!

Long time no see....

Thought I would stop back in and post something, I really would like to make it a part of my daily routine to start posting on here again.
I have taken up some new interests such as couponing, finding freebies online and I am starting school next month.
I am working part time now and have a full house, between the kids our new puppy a lovely lil golden doodle named piper ( I wanted to name her sadie but my oldest got to pick this time) and we have our kitty Mr.Oz he is pretty great just mainly grey with a little white on his crotch.
Me and the girls have started watching movies like crazy - making new snacks and I am starting to try and eat healthy and I am just on a mission to find new recipes that are good for me and taste good. I am not looking to cut calories (although I Should be ) but I am more interested in getting the stuff all the magazines say I should have such as avacado, spinach, tomatoes, nuts etc. My skin is very dry lately and I really think it is in part due to my diet.
I am also going to try out the Colonix which seems very interesting and should help me get my system cleaned out and ready to go.
I will post a review of this since it is pricey.
I am learning how to really take charge of my finances and stretch my money as far as I can.
Since I have been couponing I have been able to try out products I would not have tried otherwise and I plan on reviewing them as well.
Just in case anyone comes across this blog and is contemplating purchasing anything I am reviewing.
Well off I go to play Sims Social on face book ;)

Hello Spring!

Well spring has arrived and I am still in the house most the time thanks to the rain. But the rain is better then snow and I am closer to going back to my house. My scheduled move is in 2 weeks, it is funny how it seemed like this time would never come but now here it is and it seems to have flown by.
I am going to miss my parents though, I like cooking for them everyday and I enjoy seeing them so much.
I am happy about going home but that also means going back to looking for work with an urgency again and something that works around my childrens schedule.
In a perfect world my parents would move back to my area so I can see them and not feel so alone there.
Well I am really looking forward to not leaning on people so much anymore - I hate it I really hate asking for favors or for help because people might do it but they always make sure you know it is an inconvenience and I am not referring to my parents but other people who are helping me here and there - even though I am paying them.
Anyway, other then being consumed with the move and fixing up the house I am just enjoying my babies every day. I adore them more then words can express. Time goes by way to quickly, my Violet will be 3 soon (4 days) and before you know it this little girl will be starting pre k ... so scary.
I know when Chastidy went to school I wasn't so worried about her in that environment but lately these kids and how they treat each other in school and the things I hear on the news makes me really worry about the people my kids will be around. I will do my best to make them strong but the world has a great amount of influence on our babies and it concerns me. I just have to focus on the positive I suppose but I will prevent what I can - hopefully I can get them into a decent school when the time comes.
It is just so hard when you see your kids so innocent and so full of love - and then you have to drop them into this cesspool and watch them loose that. It is one of the hardest things about being a parent.
I see the kids that go to school with my Chastidy who is soon entering high school and I see these kids talking about eating condoms cause they 'taste so delicious' to other kids talking about drugs and sex left and right .. it is really so disgusting to see KIDS talk like that - I don't know how they think that makes them grown - if anything it proves they aren't. They are so desperate to stand out and so desperate to fit in at the same time, they are lost and it is a shame. It makes me wonder is it the parents fault or is it just the worlds fault. When I say the world I mean society, television, radio etc .. Sometimes I guess it is a combination.
I can see why people isolate their kids from tv and school... school used to be a great place for kids but now every day when you send them off it is like your taking a huge gamble.
Well... I have a couple years left I suppose, hopefully I can find a nice place to send them that won't cost me too much money.
Having kids truly is like letting your heart walk around outside of your body. Such a vulnerability arises the moment they are born.

Bank of America should really change their name

...or maybe not, because this is the country that allows them to carry on the way they do. I loath this bank. I did not choose them, they bought my mortgage from another bank and they have the most underhanded way of doing business.
A little background, I lost my job in 2008 and since then I have only been able to locate temporary or un reliable work. I have 3 kids, and I am single so of course I try and find a job that works around my kids.
I applied for a modification for some temporary help because even the jobs I had been finding paid me a quarter of what I was making before.
I got declined for MHA after a year - That's right a YEAR of going back and forth with Bank of america ( I will refer to them as BOA from here on out) they kept claiming to not have all the paperwork or that the new person who had the paperwork needed something different etc etc .. constant headache.
So they decline me because they said they would have to lower the mortgage down so much it would no longer be beneficial to them, they would not profit enough.
So they offer to do an in house modification, so I asked them does the fact that I do not work play a part in me getting approved and he told me no, that doesn't matter. One would assume, unemployed people are the ones who can't pay the mortgage due to the lack of employment. If I had a job and a good amount of income I would be paying the mortgage.
Now I applied and sent allll the same paperwork again for the 28th time. After the man went on vacation and took care of everything else, he finally got back to me to let me know I was declined due to not having a job.
Big Surprise.
Now here is the part where this bank gets lower then they are normally known for. When you apply for a modification they require you to establish escrow. Of course I was past due on some taxes because I really was limited on income. So they paid all the taxes. Now here we have a person who couldn't afford the regular monthly payment, and BOA decides they cannot remove the escrow to allow me to pay it separately. No they want to attach it to the mortgage so the mortgage increases $230 monthly. Just what a person who applies for a modification needs, a higher payment !
If I went ahead and sent them what the payment was before the escrow they will not apply it to the loan until it equals the amount they WANT (so the $230 more).
Now here you have a person who is already down getting kicked by this bank - but it gets better.
So they told me the change would take place May 1st, so I am here trying to get the last couple payments at the lower price together before this increase. Well... BOA decides NOW that they are going to make this change of monthly payment 2 months retroactive. So now I am way past due for a substantial amount.
Had this bank been upfront about the escrow being a permanent thing if i got denied for the modification I would have not even applied. I would have slowly paid my taxes back on my own terms and just stayed with my regular mortgage payment.
Now I am paying last years taxes, this years taxes and paying into escrow for next years taxes on top of my mortgage payment I was already having trouble with.
God Help me, because BOA surely has no intention on helping anyone but themselves. They see my house is valued at more then I owe so there is no incentive for them to give a shit.
I now have an appointment with a credit counselor to see if they can point me in any direction other then homelessness.
I just wanted to write this so if anyone is out there about to apply for a modification they know what they are getting themselves into.
If you are working with BOA - do not .. I repeat DO NOT trust them, go to a counselor and let the counselor do your application this way they can't screw you out of your home. I have read story upon story of people being told to make payments and then they foreclose anyway or they tell people not to make payments then they foreclose after they told the people they were on a forbearance.  
This bank is horrible, the government should really take back any help they gave them cause all they did was give their employees bonus's and raises and I have that info first hand.
They are not applying it to the people they are suppose to help.

Hello again!

Well now let's see, I am slowly eliminating my late night snacks and some of my glasses of Ice Tea from my diet. I also seen an infomercial for DanceX workout video, I got it in the mail yesterday and did it today. I figured that the kids could dance with me since they love it, it would make it better then having to put the child fence up and put them in the next room to watch but not get in the way. Well I did it for about 8-10 mins and for some reason it just didn't hold me .. I don't know what it is but something about most work outs that just either bore me or something. So I put it away.
Might send it back for a refund If I can, I am just not seeing this get any use.
I just popped in my Basic Tae bo - that is right old school tae bo the first video that came out, I had it when it first came out and used it to death so I went on Ebay and got a fresh version. I just popped it in and did the whole video. I guess each person has their own personal thing when it comes to working out but for me it seems like Billy Blanks will always be the one. He keeps me interested, challenged but not dying, and motivates me. He reminds as soon as I start to loose that good posture to hold my stomach in (almost like as if he can see me LOL) and I find his work outs rewarding. I remember when I did tae bo back in the day I seen results pretty fast too.
I can't hang with his new work outs even if they are the basic editions. I would have to work up to those but there are some I love and some I hate - however the ones I love, I really love.
Hats off to you Mr.Blanks for getting this fat ass to do a work out. Sure I have to do some of the move at regular pace while they do double time but at least I am doing it.
Okay so lets see if this is the beginning of something beautiful.
;)

I'm a fat ass

Well, I can lay in bed at night and envision myself doing all these wonderful things like, eating light and healthy and working out but when it comes to doing it - totally different story.
I just think, I fell out of love with myself. I am so into my kids and I don't have any interest in dating or even looking appealing lol so I don't even give a crap if I work out or not or if I look good, or if I even wash my hair for a week.
There is so much I plan to do but in the end, I lack motivation.
How do I get motivated? I just don't know..
Maybe this is because I am not really working right now, so being home all the time I don't have to get all fancied up so I just don't care.
This has to stop, I know if I can get myself into for a few weeks and find a time in the day that I can schedule to always do it without interruption I will form a habit and then it will be okay but how do I get there?
I wish I could buy a motivation pill.
I need to revamp my diet, I need to start making my portions smaller, stop snacking at night and eliminate the high cholesterol foods like butter etc.
Ugh, I guess I am just going to have to lay down the law...the spring and summer approaches and I would like to wear more then yoga pants everyday when my fat ass clearly does NOT do yoga.

Ready for a Parrrrrrtyyyy

So tomorrow is my baby girl Irelyn's first Birthday, I made her a Big top cupcake for herself and cupcakes for everyone else. I was shocked that it came out so good. I follows all the tips I seen online like spraying the molds with Pam but then I also just did a light dusting of flour, usually I use the pam with the flour in it for baking but I ran out. I also did the top for 35 mins then the other was done within 10 mins. I used a confetti cake so the bottom could be uniced and she won't be on sugar overload. I also made a filling with cool whip and sliced banana and used a whipped strawberry frosting. After I took it out of the oven I let it sit for 10 mins then put it in the freezer for 30 mins and took it out and got decorating, now it is finished and back in the fridge.
I have been baking for 4 hours! But I am finally done, now it is time for me to make some baked ziti and garlic bread yum!
I had a long week, I got some pain in  my chest so I had to go to a doctor and it is still there but she gave me something to control my stomach acid which might help, if not I have to go back. It isn't painful but more so annoying.
I had done alot of driving too this week between the kids visits with their dad and I had to court for a ticket I didn't get lol long story but it worked out in my favor which was great, just a misunderstanding about insurance and I didn't know about it until it was already a ticket thanks to the person who was driving not showing it lol ah well it is over now so that is great.
I am trying to stare at my kids as much as possible lately, it seems they grow too fast and I need to stare at them so it stops lol
Like Irelyn, I love that baby walk kids do when they first start walking, I love it LOVE it so I just watch her walk around, I also LOVE the baby babble... sighhhh if I were rich I would have a baby every 5 years I just love them endlessly, I could spend a whole day kissing their faces <3 ... amazing how much love I am capable of for my children but for other people it can be a little hard for me to even like them for long periods of time lol
Ok so I am going to add some pics here of the Giant Cupcake check it out

The week of New Beginnings!

Happy Friday!
Well this week I have been starting to potty train my daughter, it is going pretty good. I think what is making it go well is that she is ready and that makes all the difference.
Last week I had got some blood work done and everything came back good except I have 'mildy high cholesterol' so I am doing some research on how to get that in line. So far I seen that Minute Maid heart wise will be good,grape juice and benecol so I can make those adjustments and of course cut out some of the stuff like ice cream,cakes etc.
So my youngest got a new crib yesterday,she seems to love it. She had a mini crib before and it lasted her a year but she is a big baby so when she rolls over she smacks into the crib. I went online and ordered a really cute crib online that will allow her to use it as a toddler bed in a year or so.
I am getting spring fever, I went to Carters the other day and seen all the spring clothes and got SO excited - I am very ready for spring. I am also very ready for my tax papers to get here so I can file and see if I get anything back, this was a rough year with working then losing the job then working then losing the job, I am not sure I made enough.
Oh and how could I forget, I got my new Phillips sonicare toothbrush, it is the Flexcare line and has the UV Sanitizer with it and I read such great reviews on it. I took a before picture to see if it whitens my teeth like they say it does so in a week I will take another picture and see what happened. I am using Rembrandt whitening mouth wash in addition to the brushing so between the both I should see some change. My teeth are starting to show some staining from coffee and tea.
I will post again next week with a progress report. My teeth are getting sensitive from the mouthwash already but I know it goes away so no big deal.
Ok talk soon

New Year, New Outlook

Well, I am back.
I woke up in a strange way today, I feel like cleaning the Cobb webs off my ass and doing some things.
I am also dealing with some weird feelings, I am single and have been for a while. I generally have this feeling that relationships are over rated and not for everyone. Lately though, I realize the amount of personal friends I have is really kind of low as well. So either those relationships are over rated too or this has to do with me.
I know I am picky, I am picky with romantic relationships as well as  platonic relationships. I just don't like to be around people who I don't really trust or who I feel just don't gel with who I am.  I also have to be honest and say that I tend to be super anti social.
The only relationships I tend to care about or put any time or energy into is the relationships I have with my children. I also don't see anything wrong with that, but I suppose it would be nice to have a friend or two that I actually speak to. People to trust and raise my kids around.
Alot of this comes from the fact that some of the friends I did invest in, turned out to be a waste of time. I feel like friendships (as well as relationships with men) should not be hard, they should come natural and easy.
So anyway, today I decided to start my walking videos again. I am not going to hold myself to a strict schedule because I know that will back fire, soon as I miss a work out I will get down on myself and just dump the whole plan.
Day by day, I hope to restructure my life. Get myself in decent health, straighten out my financial issues and be the best mother, friend and person I can be.
Lets see what 2011 holds for me.