Friday, April 20, 2012

Women, what IS going on?

Okay, I need to vent on this one. Let me give you a little background on my life, I am a single mother of 3 kids. I have been single since April of 2009, I have not dated or even thought about dating because my life is my kids right now. With that being said, in the last couple of months I have gotten contacted (harassed) by a couple of very insecure women on facebook, that for some reason or other have decided to select me from their boyfriends entire friends list to interrogate. Now, I do not communicate with these guys on a regular basis, I do not comment on their page in an inappropriate manner, nothing to make anyone raise an eyebrow.
I am at a loss, I don't understand even a little bit of what is in theses women's minds.
Sometimes I look around at the women I see, the women I hear tell about, the women who contact me randomly to get information or reassurance that I assume will help them sleep at night.
I am so sad, and really so disappointed in how the majority of women conduct themselves. I understand why it is so hard to find a 'normal' man. It is because men are so used to dealing with these women that they do not know what to do with a woman who is not falling down at their feet, or obsessing over their every move.
What happened to women? or have we ( I cringe to include myself in that statement) become this? What is wrong with women these days? Why do we empower anyone, not even just men but anyone to control our minds and our lives like this?
Grab a hold of who you are! Spend a few minutes getting to know and love yourself between relationships so you may move on to a regular, stable, loving relationship. I know there are people who are just 'this way', but come on, not all of you have to be this way. It seems to be more women that are insecure like this, then are not.
Try being in a relationship, and focusing on positive things and if you need something to obsess over, make it school or work or if you have them, your children!
Stop nit picking the past, stop being frantic about any of the women that your man maybe comes in contact with, stop measuring yourself against other women, JUST STOP.
Let me say this, and I know it has been said before but maybe someone will listen this time. If the man wants someone else, he will get it. IF THE MAN WANTS SOMEONE ELSE, HE WILL GO AND GET HER. Nothing you do, nothing you try and 'interfere' with nothing you say will stop it. NOTHING.
So please, please for the sake of the future for the sake of the general perception of women, PLEASE get some dignity. Get some self respect, stop worrying so much over something you cannot control.
Enjoy your relationship and if it is not enjoyable or if you are worrying more then anything else then leave it. Because if you spend that much time worrying about things like infidelity then either you are right and he is cheating, or you need to spend some time single and working on your SELF.
You cannot be free to enjoy a healthy relationship if you are obsessing about this type of thing.
I never handle these women's emails or comments well, I always get very frustrated and actually angry. The reason is because I am offended. I am offended that these women think that I owe them something, they think that I am mentally on their level and will dignify their insanity with an explanation. Well, I won't, you have hit a brick wall when you email me. I will not now and not ever explain myself to someone because they demand it of me. I actually do have dignity and self respect.
I will not encourage your disgraceful behavior.
Relationships, are optional in life - they are a perk not a necessity. Everyone watches movies and thinks that is reality and that is what they need to have in their lives. It is not the norm, it is not something you have to achieve in your life. When you watch movies and see a superhero, do you believe you can be that too? No because it is in the movies for a reason, if it was everyday life that these phenomenal love stories came true then why would we pay to see it? I believe that in our lives we all have our blessings, some have family some have career, some have amazing friends. Some of us have more then one of these blessings, but to think that you have to have ALL of these blessings is well, just setting yourself up. Too many women go on and find a man who wants that fairytale as much as they do, wants to call someone his 'wife' and really anyone he can tolerate looking at will do. Then they get a few years in and realize this was not for them, or the man cheats or the woman cheats. Because you got yourself into something and tried to play pretend but forgot it was pretend. Just being able to say you have something will not always be enough.
Sure, some people commit to committing to someone and if they are both on that page then great but do not lie to yourself.
This world is beautiful, enjoy it. This life is short, don't live it for someone else - live it for yourself.
If you find the blessing of a 'soul mate' then good, but that is rare and it is not for everyone. I would venture to say that 90% of people who are married are not soul mates, most of them just made a choice. Hopefully a choice that they can continue to choose for the rest of their lives.
If you found your soul mate then great, be happy with that. We can not all, have everything.
I think that is the biggest disappointment for a lot of people, most people want everything and will do anything to get it. You could be gone next week, instead of worrying about getting everything just enjoy what you have right now.
Good luck and please, learn to love yourself first - you came into this world alone and when the end comes you will have to take that journey alone as well.
If you need to devote a part of yourself to something and you can't find the right partner then devote it to helping people, they will appreciate it more.



Saturday, April 14, 2012

My Bank of America Mortgage Modification

Well, after all this time I can finally say that my modification is complete!
It took a lot of work, it is definitely not for someone who is easily discouraged. Let's see, I started applying for modifications back in 2009 since I had lost my job in 2008. I sent, and resent them papers for a year then got denied. The first time I was denied for 'poor credit decisions' so I guess I was suppose to know I was going to get laid off in their opinion.
Then I reapplied, and got denied for not having a job.
Then I found a job and re applied, and got denied because my income was too low after I was told all I needed was a job, any job would do but I just needed a source of income.
So, after some time I waited and applied again, this time I got denied because they lost my paper work I sent several times to them.
I went (finally) to the credit counselors thinking I was just not doing something right, she sent my paperwork to Pennsylvania housing and I got denied. She then advised me that if they could not help no one could.
O.o
So I did some research, I found websites that had people claiming they contacted the OCC (Office of the comptroller of the currency) so I wrote to them and told them how I was getting the run around and contradicting statements from the bank, my main problem was that too many people had their hands in my file and were asking me to send them stuff but it was never getting in my file, then someone else would look at it and say half this same stuff was missing and then they wanted extra paper work the first person did not even ask for, it was frustrating and unprofessional that it seemed as if each rep made up their own rules.
I also wrote to my local attorney state general office, and the US Department of Treasury just to make sure I had all my bases covered and I figured one of these places would help me.
So it turned out to be the OCC, they got in touch with the bank and the bank called me personally from an escalated division that introduces themselves as working in the presidents office. They assigned me to a specific representative that would handle my case personally. My first time doing this the woman was OK but I told her I was starting a new job and she told me that was ok just to send the offer letter then when I got pay stubs to forward her those. So I did that and right before I got the first paycheck I got a letter declining me saying I did not send a paystub. Very frustrating because she was the one who told me it would be okay and to send the letter that was my offer until I received my first check. So I waited, got myself a few paychecks then reapplied and reported them to the OCC again so I could get a personal rep. I got a call and was assigned to a very nice and very thorough woman, she was also an underwriter which was terrific.
She sent me the paperwork & I sent her everything (maybe the 12th time I sent all that paperwork to this same bank) and she got in touch with me every step of the way and I had her personal line. She walked me through every step and got me the preapproval. She assured me that was the hardest part to get past.
Then we moved along, she was transferred to another department so in the end I got another gentleman and he was nice, seemed like he knew what was going on and he finished the rest up. Only a couple times they contacted me to ask for my current home owners insurance which I thought was odd since they were the one paying it they knew it was paid but I guess things that make sense don't matter.
So I went onto a trial payment plan, I made my three payments right on time or a day or so early. After that I had to wait about 1 month for it to go through underwriting again, it did (they were who requested that insurance paperwork) then I got my fed ex package with the closing papers. I took it over the same day to one of their branches and had them notarize it as I signed it and sent it off.
I contacted them when I seen it was received and he assured me everything was okay and that it would take 60-90 days for it to finalize and go through closing. It all came together between the 60-70 day mark it seemed (as I followed my account closely online) small things changed every few days, the final adjustment was the past due balance disappeared and the monthly due amount showed the modified amount.
At this point I had about $900 in limbo land that was not applied anywhere so he put through to have it applied to the late fees since (although the paperwork indicated it was in the modification,although the wording there was a little vague) it apparently was not included in the modification. So he had applied it to that amount and then we were all on the same page.
I was still listed with the escalation department for 2 months after this to ensure I had no more questions or help that I would need to contact him directly for and today he called me to inform me that he was releasing me back to the regular customer service in the next two weeks since everything was finalized and going smoothly.
So, in closing let me say this was a HUGE process, took me about 3 years I was behind about 6 months of payments and it went up to 8 months while waiting through the process to start making the trial payments. Once all was said and done it cut my mortgage in half and that now includes my taxes and home owners insurance . The way it works is that my interest rate which was 9.750% is now 2.125% & will remain fixed for 3 yrs then increase over the next few years but will not exceed 4.12% then at the end of 480 months I will have a balloon payment of 43k. I obviously do not plan to allow that all to go that way, I would either refinance in a few years or sell the house but that is far down the road for me, I am just happy I can afford it for now and afford to feed my kids at the same time. I should also mention I did not qualify for any federal modifications, this was an in house modification with Bank of America.
All in all, if you are on this journey definitely file with the OCC and get yourself a personal agent - the man did tell me they were making it their policy to have everyone deal with one person from there on out but I don't know if I believe that, I think  you have to cause some commotion to get noticed and get a personal rep but I hope they are really making that change because that would streamline the whole process.
It is definitely worth it if you can be patient - very patient and learn to not take no for an answer, just keep trying. You have nothing to loose because while you are in application status for the modification they cannot foreclose so you buy yourself time if nothing else.
Best of luck to anyone out there and if anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I will help if I can, I know how frustrated I was and the only guidance I could find was through blogs and online forums and reading peoples personal experiences. I even tried my local non profit legal office but they could not do much but offer to represent me in the foreclosure. Glad it did not come to that!
Now if I could only exercise this much determination in exercising haha!
  

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My never ending job hunt and the car loan from hell

Well, that is the last two months in a nut shell.. First of all I had been working as a merchandiser then they cut my hours not because of lack of work but because of incompetent management. So I went looking for another job, I found a job (Daniels Sharpsmart), interviewed and got it. We discussed hours in the interview and on the phone when offered the position. She demanded I start immediately, my other job did not accept the 2 week notice because it could not be in their typical hours. So, I started and on the first day I got fired because she apparently wanted to hire a part time person but wanted me to work 8 hours a day with out ever asking or telling me so. I went in to do 'paperwork' and they made me start working with no background checks or anything done yet, so since it was suppose to be a 4 hour a day job I asked if it was time to go since it had been four hours, she said ok and I left then I get home and get a call saying she thinks my family obligations won't work with what she needs. First of all she never told me I was going to work that day, second of all she never asked me if I could work later and lastly she should have hired someone two weeks earlier since they were trying to meet a deadline for Wednesday. How unprofessional of her, to make me quit my job and then fire me. I have three kids to feed. I am shocked at how she handled it, she apologized a hundred times but it was still and still is a HUGE problem for me, I am still looking for work and that was a month ago.
It is not easy to find early morning part time work, I am very limited because I have to care for my kids.
This is a nightmare.
Now onto my second nightmare. This one is another big ordeal.
Are you ready for this?
Okay, that car loan I mentioned in a previous post just won't go away.
I went to get a car loan, they could only get me approved one place and it happened to be where I had a previous repossession (thanks to the irresponsibility of a 'friend') and they insisted on adding the balance of that loan into the 'acquisition fees', they told me that it would help my credit by zeroing out that old loan and get rid of the repossession. This is through Santander.
So I agreed, even though the interest is almost 20%, I am fully aware that people with bad credit get screwed coming and going.
Now here we are two months later and they never applied that extra $881 in fees to cover that old loan. They are claiming ignorance, the finance rep who got the loan for me has been calling and they are refusing to move the money around saying that nothing was notated about that. So, I am paying interest on top of money they pocketed and never applied where they were suppose to apply it.
The car was only 10,995 and the loan after all their fees including that $881 is close to 14k.
I will say this, I will fight this as much as I can but it is like fighting a giant so I don't know how far I will get, lesson learned - Never trust anyone, get everything in writing and NEVER work with Santander again. EVER.
How can a bank justify charging fees in addition to that high of interest, it is very unfair and taking full advantage of a person in a bad situation.
So those are my two headaches, I am battling them both everyday. I seem to be a person who cannot catch a break, anything that can happen or things you think could never happen ALWAYS happen to me.
I must have a target on my back.