Why aren't people nice anymore?

I just find it so discouraging, after constant dealings with people in different fields of work to always have things come down to the same bottom line. They almost all seem to have that 'Me First' attitude, no one will help you unless it directly benefits them.
I have actually seen people go more out of their way not to help when just helping would have saved them time and energy, what is the point in that? Where are people's morals?
I really always try and find the best in most bad situations and I can almost always find a way to put a positive spin on ANYTHING. But in my heart, deep down in side I am losing faith in human kind. The good people are so sparse.
Here are some examples, lets start with my most recent experience. I purchased a car from a buy here pay here place---> Living Stone auto group in Easton, PA. I researched and could not find one bad thing on these people, so I went in with high hopes and the man was very well versed, he sounds like a stand up guy. Of course he tells you he is a stand up guy about 50 times in a half hour conversation mostly geared at listening to him talk himself up.
I go take the car for a ride, I had him drive so we could pay attention to noises etc plus I am not familiar with the area. He puts on the heat and talks non stop on the whole test ride.
I go all in and buy the car, gave him all my money $2,500 down with 6 references, then paid my taxes etc . My monthly payments are $275 for 20 months.
I go home park the vehicle and I was off from work the next two days, on day 3 I go drive the vehicle to work, come out of work and turn it on and the check engine light comes on. I immediately take it to my mechanic - he says it has to do with emissions. Not to worry I will just have to fix it before inspection, two days later the abs and brake light come on and stay on and I notice the heat does not work in the rear seats section, also my front heater only works on high and the passenger side window can only be operated from the driver side. Hmm ok well lots of little annoying things, so I take it to my mechanic he clears the code when he checks the check engine light but didn't get to see why the brake light was on and now it was clear so now I have to make it there in time when the light is still on, that would be interesting to pull off because it goes on and off. He fixes the heater issue and does an oil change per my request $145.
Now comes the next month, I make my payment and a week later I notice it is leaking anti freeze. So I take it back to my mechanic and it is a hose, a big hose that ends up costing me 2 days work (since I had to stay home while it was in the shop) and $208 and although I did get a warranty it does not cover any of these things thus far.
Now here we are, two weeks after this last repair and now the radiator is leaking from the front of the vehicle.
Okay now I am mad, I have been vocal with the man who sold it to me but he seems so full of shit I just say Okay and move on, his response (regarding the abs light's)was 'let me get you the part at a discount rate' what good is that? ok so you are going to have me drive there to give you money to get me a part then drive to my mechanic and drop it off .. and pay him anyway to put it in? I see that as more of a hassle.
This time however, I went a little further, I told him I no longer want this vehicle it is not reliable and it is just way to problematic. His response is that I am 'attacking him' and that he refuses to help me because I was not very nice to him, that at this point I can fix the car myself or give it back. Of course if I give it back who wins? and if i fix it who wins? Him.. and oh yeah HIM.
Instead of understanding my right to feel frustrated and to be upset he attacks me back by telling me he washes his hands of it, no really I did not expect much more from him. He says that he was willing to help me get a part last time at cost ooooh gee really that is so kind of you sir.
This man, is the prime reason of why I will never trust a car sales man. EVER. Sweet talk you, tell you (and believes it himself) how great he is and what kind of good person he is but then washes his hands of the lemon he sold me, I know it was used but come on from day 3 it has been nothing but trouble. He expects me to believe he did not know about the codes? he did not clear the engine code or brake codes? they came on the first time I really drove it, I find that too coincidental.
I know he may not have known about the radiator (but I am not 100% he didn't use stop leak) but I find it repulsive that he instead chooses to shift the blame and refuse to help me because I was 'attacking' him. Grow up - Of course I was angry wouldn't you be angry too, one thing after the other and no one who cares.
Instead of saying okay, let me take the vehicle back and let me get  you something else and we are even he instead says fix it or return it I already got most your money.
Disgusting.
So I plan to just drive it and hope for the best, I will keep anti freeze on me until I find something else then he can have it back and use all the money he got for it for free to fix it up and resell it. He will face karma one day. I have to just let it go and do what is best for myself and my family, I refuse to keep sinking money into this mistake.
I was then talking to my daughter about getting her hair cut and we were talking about if they would consider her hair long, her hair is about shoulder blade length and I said I consider that medium length but if you go to a salon they will tell you it is long and charge you extra to cut it lol cause they are all scam artists, just like car salesman.
I am now filling out a application for pre-k and I have to send them $50 in an application fee - really? Another scam, what is that $50 for? they aren't checking into anything background wise - they are not using any of their resources.. this money does not come off my tuition when she starts, it is not to hold a spot then when she starts they say ok here we will apply it to your tuition. No they just pocket it, a bogus fee just to take advantage of people.
I am so tired of people getting over on other people, where is your conscience? where are your morals? Where is your dignity? What is wrong with people?
I think sometimes, that you never know people even if you really think you know someone. It is what they do when they think no one is watching that tells you who they really are, I cannot tell you how many times I have set people up and found them to be really just disgusting people. Behind a computer they can unleash their darkest desires and no one will know.
I say put spy software on your computer and find out who you are really dating, put hidden cameras in your house and see who is really cleaning or babysitting in your house.
I hate to have to feel this way but I have yet to be proven wrong, as much as I always try and find positive in a negative situation I cannot find the same in the people I interact with, if there is not something in it for them people are rarely interested. The ones who are, usually want to pat them selves on the back, they will make sure everyone knows they helped you out, or they want everyone to know they donated to a cause or held the door open for someone.
We all do it to some extent and this way that I have of analyzing people and judging situations makes me a person who always hopes for the best but expects the worse.
I will always probably have one best friend and a ton of 'associates' and will probably never get married.
Realist --- maybe, bitter -- no.
Sometimes I wish I could really be wrong, just once in a while.

Possible career moves

I have been giving a lot of thought to my life, my financial situation that is becoming very exhausting and the future for my children and myself.
I always look in the paper or on Craigslist and just read through ads looking for something "I can do" ... and I am thinking that is my problem, instead of looking for jobs I can do I would like to search under one category. One profession.
My dilemma is there are not enough hours in the day, I hate to leave my kids and I have never been much of a 'school person'. So I need to find something short and sweet.
I considered a license in real estate, problem is I am not a sales person at all. I do not have that personality and to be honest I don't want to. I would like that field because I love looking at houses, and I would enjoy working with people to make a dream of theirs come true.
I just cannot do that as an only job, I cannot rely on something that inconsistent either.
So I found another option, that I was shocked to find out is not much schooling at all, dental assistant. I am very excited about this potential career. I looked around online and in the paper and I do see a decent amount of ads for dental assistants, so that is great. I also noticed a lot of them are part time- perfect for my kids and myself. The pay seems decent as well.
I found two local schools - they are over $2k in tuition though, and this is where we hit a brick wall. There is no financial aid because it is not a degree program. So now I am on a mission to talk my parents into taking a loan for me, I believe this would be a terrific opportunity for me. I have given it a tremendous amount of thought, I know if I go this is something I will definitely need to pursue. I am confident I will give it my all.
I will be back to post if I get the funding lined up and how it goes.! Lets turn this year into the turning point in my life.

My First Mammogram...

So, I am 35 and my doctor recommended me to go for a baseline mammogram. I was a little intimidated by this whole idea because for as much as I am on top of the kids appointments, I tend to really dread mine. I do go through with it though because ever since having skin cancer, I know that something I had thought to myself was 'nothing' can really be something so everything needs to be checked in order to be proactive in maintaining a healthy life. Who knows what would have happened if I didn't mention that little mark on my ankle that I originally thought was a scar I got while shaving.
So I looked around online to get an idea of what to expect, and even after reading everything I still had a little anxiety so chose not to really think about it, just to go about my day like nothing and go through the motions - go to the appointment without giving any thought as to why I was there, so I couldn't get myself all worked up.
I had a vision in my mind of it being this bright white room, with myself and a machine in the middle and my boob being put in a clamp and squished while doctors watch from a plastic clear window. Silly I guess but that was what I had envisioned.
I arrived at St.Lukes north and was taken right back to the radiology waiting room, I first had an ultra sound (it was a great day as you can tell lol ) then I was brought back to the waiting room, the nurse came and got me and took me back to the changing room. It was there I learned that I should not have worn deodorant, she did not mention it to me but I read on the wall that we needed to use the wipies to remove any deodorant. I took a wipie and tried to scrub it off my armpit because I tend to be a little heavy handed with the deodorant. I think I got it all off. Then I had to put a little mini gown on that just came to my waist and left the open side in the front.
She came back for me pretty quickly, we went into a small room (no big white examining room) that had a pretty large machine taking up the middle of the room. It had clear plates on it that they use to compress your boob. She had me take off one side and she took my boob and put it on the platform of the machine then turning a knob adjusted it to be snug on my breast, which was nice. I thought the machine automatically adjusted itself down on my breast. She took a pic then re adjusted and took another from a slightly slanted angle. In the end it was two shots on both sides, then she went back for 2 more which was one on each side and tried to get as much of my arm pit area inside of it as she could.
It was pretty fast, it was definitely pain free. I think most women avoid this because of the awkwardness of someone situating your boobs like that - but after 3 kids I am not really bothered by it. Other then that I cannot see why people make these out to be so horrible.
I would get this over a pap test any day.
So my results where at my house on the 2nd day after the test, I was given a clean bill of boob health and they recommend one next year, I am assuming because people in my family have had cancer (although not breast cancer) so they want to be on the safe side.
I will discuss this with my doctor next year and if she agrees, I will go again. No big deal.
Easy Breezy - Just don't wear deodorant lol

Out with the old...

..in with the new? Hopefully. Well not so much  that I am looking at this new year as a new shot but I guess more so a starting point. I hope to get some news on my latest attempts at modification on my home , fingers crossed but I have 0 faith in my bank.

I also need to start the hunt for new employment, I do not hate my job but I need a little more out of a position. I need more mental stimulation, more financial benefits and a more positive atmosphere. I have a boss who lives in the twilight zone, after talking to him I really just want to run head first into a wall. 

So I think it is time to maybe look into a position elsewhere, hopefully the next job will be my last job. I really would like to find a position where I can get some sort of feeling of accomplishment and where I can work along side people who can become a 2nd family for me, I am at a place in my life where I am maturing and these are the things I really would like to have become a part of my life. I just need to find out what I want to do, I am very indecisive and I look at everything as something I would possibly like to do but I am always hesitant to commit. 

Relationship wise, I don't have any real plans on changing my situation. I see everyone else moving forward in life and looking for that partner and I really admire them for finding someone. I just don't know if that is me either, I think I am so used to being the man and woman in my life that I just don't know how to let anyone else in anymore. I also have a lot to take into consideration because of my kids, I can't being any old jerk around us so then what would I be looking for, either something super casual at which point I have to most likely date some asshole who is shallow and thinks he is getting over on me or I have to find a real family guy who just wants that - a family but do they even exist (in single form). It seems way too much to ask to find a man who has a sense of humor, some level of personality, and has some decent values. I know I will not find him online - guaranteed. I think online dating is fun and all but in reality it is a short cut to no where. It is a place for people to window shop, for people to set up physical expectations and just weed through people like flipping the pages of a magazine. People also tend to get behind a computer and let the ugliest side of themselves come out. I am all for self esteem and knowing your self worth but your self worth is just that .. YOUR Self worth, what you mean to yourself not to everyone else. I am not going to bow down to some guy who thinks he should be pat on the back for being 'honest' and saying he wants-- to just get laid-- or for not having kids. Good for you, you have embraced your ugly. Next. 

I think when you meet people in person, people just have more respect for you in their interactions and intentions. They don't come at you with some nonsense because they 'can'. 

I sometimes (most the time) feel like just staying single for ever. I really don't mind it, of course that is the lazy in me talking but I am not unhappy - just around the holidays or when my kids aren't around I tend to think it would be nice to have someone to talk to or go to a movie with, unfortunately then I talk to a couple of people and that goes away almost instantly. I am faced with drama, and bullshit, or a text message with a picture of their penis not even 5 mins into most conversations with the opposite sex. That is a shame.

So, this new year I really want to focus on working out and with that being said, I am looking at it for health reasons not for weight loss because I do not plan to change my eating habits. I should loose weight, but I am just not motivated enough for that, then I will be even more confused by the male approachers lol I don't need to give anyone a reason to blow more smoke up my ass. I would like to feel better in my back, knees and just in general I would like better flexibility and energy so I am hoping some small work out at nights will help me there. Who knows maybe after working out I will start to gain the motivation to care about my outfits or hair sometimes. Right now, I am too tired. 

So, I am hoping to accomplish a couple things this year, lets see if I do it. Hopefully I will live to see next year and be able to look back and say that I did indeed do all the things I Set out to do this year. 

I plan to start taking my kids to church, narrow down a path career wise, work out to feel better and maybe work on my social life - not dating but maybe getting out more. 

God willing, this year I can make some moves towards a better, more stable future. 

Truth be told every night I go to bed, I pray for a tomorrow and I focus so much on that I tend to forget to look long term.

Here's to 2012!

Long time no see....

Thought I would stop back in and post something, I really would like to make it a part of my daily routine to start posting on here again.
I have taken up some new interests such as couponing, finding freebies online and I am starting school next month.
I am working part time now and have a full house, between the kids our new puppy a lovely lil golden doodle named piper ( I wanted to name her sadie but my oldest got to pick this time) and we have our kitty Mr.Oz he is pretty great just mainly grey with a little white on his crotch.
Me and the girls have started watching movies like crazy - making new snacks and I am starting to try and eat healthy and I am just on a mission to find new recipes that are good for me and taste good. I am not looking to cut calories (although I Should be ) but I am more interested in getting the stuff all the magazines say I should have such as avacado, spinach, tomatoes, nuts etc. My skin is very dry lately and I really think it is in part due to my diet.
I am also going to try out the Colonix which seems very interesting and should help me get my system cleaned out and ready to go.
I will post a review of this since it is pricey.
I am learning how to really take charge of my finances and stretch my money as far as I can.
Since I have been couponing I have been able to try out products I would not have tried otherwise and I plan on reviewing them as well.
Just in case anyone comes across this blog and is contemplating purchasing anything I am reviewing.
Well off I go to play Sims Social on face book ;)

Hello Spring!

Well spring has arrived and I am still in the house most the time thanks to the rain. But the rain is better then snow and I am closer to going back to my house. My scheduled move is in 2 weeks, it is funny how it seemed like this time would never come but now here it is and it seems to have flown by.
I am going to miss my parents though, I like cooking for them everyday and I enjoy seeing them so much.
I am happy about going home but that also means going back to looking for work with an urgency again and something that works around my childrens schedule.
In a perfect world my parents would move back to my area so I can see them and not feel so alone there.
Well I am really looking forward to not leaning on people so much anymore - I hate it I really hate asking for favors or for help because people might do it but they always make sure you know it is an inconvenience and I am not referring to my parents but other people who are helping me here and there - even though I am paying them.
Anyway, other then being consumed with the move and fixing up the house I am just enjoying my babies every day. I adore them more then words can express. Time goes by way to quickly, my Violet will be 3 soon (4 days) and before you know it this little girl will be starting pre k ... so scary.
I know when Chastidy went to school I wasn't so worried about her in that environment but lately these kids and how they treat each other in school and the things I hear on the news makes me really worry about the people my kids will be around. I will do my best to make them strong but the world has a great amount of influence on our babies and it concerns me. I just have to focus on the positive I suppose but I will prevent what I can - hopefully I can get them into a decent school when the time comes.
It is just so hard when you see your kids so innocent and so full of love - and then you have to drop them into this cesspool and watch them loose that. It is one of the hardest things about being a parent.
I see the kids that go to school with my Chastidy who is soon entering high school and I see these kids talking about eating condoms cause they 'taste so delicious' to other kids talking about drugs and sex left and right .. it is really so disgusting to see KIDS talk like that - I don't know how they think that makes them grown - if anything it proves they aren't. They are so desperate to stand out and so desperate to fit in at the same time, they are lost and it is a shame. It makes me wonder is it the parents fault or is it just the worlds fault. When I say the world I mean society, television, radio etc .. Sometimes I guess it is a combination.
I can see why people isolate their kids from tv and school... school used to be a great place for kids but now every day when you send them off it is like your taking a huge gamble.
Well... I have a couple years left I suppose, hopefully I can find a nice place to send them that won't cost me too much money.
Having kids truly is like letting your heart walk around outside of your body. Such a vulnerability arises the moment they are born.

Bank of America should really change their name

...or maybe not, because this is the country that allows them to carry on the way they do. I loath this bank. I did not choose them, they bought my mortgage from another bank and they have the most underhanded way of doing business.
A little background, I lost my job in 2008 and since then I have only been able to locate temporary or un reliable work. I have 3 kids, and I am single so of course I try and find a job that works around my kids.
I applied for a modification for some temporary help because even the jobs I had been finding paid me a quarter of what I was making before.
I got declined for MHA after a year - That's right a YEAR of going back and forth with Bank of america ( I will refer to them as BOA from here on out) they kept claiming to not have all the paperwork or that the new person who had the paperwork needed something different etc etc .. constant headache.
So they decline me because they said they would have to lower the mortgage down so much it would no longer be beneficial to them, they would not profit enough.
So they offer to do an in house modification, so I asked them does the fact that I do not work play a part in me getting approved and he told me no, that doesn't matter. One would assume, unemployed people are the ones who can't pay the mortgage due to the lack of employment. If I had a job and a good amount of income I would be paying the mortgage.
Now I applied and sent allll the same paperwork again for the 28th time. After the man went on vacation and took care of everything else, he finally got back to me to let me know I was declined due to not having a job.
Big Surprise.
Now here is the part where this bank gets lower then they are normally known for. When you apply for a modification they require you to establish escrow. Of course I was past due on some taxes because I really was limited on income. So they paid all the taxes. Now here we have a person who couldn't afford the regular monthly payment, and BOA decides they cannot remove the escrow to allow me to pay it separately. No they want to attach it to the mortgage so the mortgage increases $230 monthly. Just what a person who applies for a modification needs, a higher payment !
If I went ahead and sent them what the payment was before the escrow they will not apply it to the loan until it equals the amount they WANT (so the $230 more).
Now here you have a person who is already down getting kicked by this bank - but it gets better.
So they told me the change would take place May 1st, so I am here trying to get the last couple payments at the lower price together before this increase. Well... BOA decides NOW that they are going to make this change of monthly payment 2 months retroactive. So now I am way past due for a substantial amount.
Had this bank been upfront about the escrow being a permanent thing if i got denied for the modification I would have not even applied. I would have slowly paid my taxes back on my own terms and just stayed with my regular mortgage payment.
Now I am paying last years taxes, this years taxes and paying into escrow for next years taxes on top of my mortgage payment I was already having trouble with.
God Help me, because BOA surely has no intention on helping anyone but themselves. They see my house is valued at more then I owe so there is no incentive for them to give a shit.
I now have an appointment with a credit counselor to see if they can point me in any direction other then homelessness.
I just wanted to write this so if anyone is out there about to apply for a modification they know what they are getting themselves into.
If you are working with BOA - do not .. I repeat DO NOT trust them, go to a counselor and let the counselor do your application this way they can't screw you out of your home. I have read story upon story of people being told to make payments and then they foreclose anyway or they tell people not to make payments then they foreclose after they told the people they were on a forbearance.  
This bank is horrible, the government should really take back any help they gave them cause all they did was give their employees bonus's and raises and I have that info first hand.
They are not applying it to the people they are suppose to help.